the new year

[image credit: megan drury]

So...

Happy New Year, everybody! (we're only a few weeks in, I can still say that)!

How’s things? How has 2018 kicked off? Is it already proving to be better than 2017? Or have all those hopes been promptly dashed? Have you made some new year’s resolutions? Have you begun them? What did you achieve last year? What will you achieve this year? What did you set out to achieve last year, and not end up doing? What did you attempt, and fail? What are you likely to fail this year? Is your whole life just one big failure? What has neither been ‘success’ nor ‘failure’, but a big fucking mess of mediocrity? And will this mess of a failed life of mediocrity continue in perpetuity? Are you growing, personally? Or do you find yourself repeating the same old fucking patterns? What are you actually doing with your life? What do you really want to do? What is life? Fuck it! Should you even bother trying? Maybe it’s best to just curl up in bed (anyone’s bed) and sleep... yes?

Well…

You know what…?

Yes!

Maybe it is!

Preferably your own bed and preferably alone.

And not forever, just for little bits of time here and there.

As necessary.

But… Yes… Maybe, it is…

Our socialisation into the world of patriarchal capitalism has a lot to fucking answer for. We are taught very specific, damaging ideas about what traits and activities make people (us) worthwhile and valuable, what is deserving of accolade and award and what is deserving of rejection and punishment. These perspectives and judgements have grown from a conservative philosophy of patriarchal economic rationalism and the proclaimed merit of individual productivity. When we properly investigate the ideas, beliefs and practices inherent in this philosophy, it becomes exceedingly clear that the dominant narratives we learn about ourselves and each other are crafted purely to keep cultural and financial power structures in place.

Trying to meet the myriad impossible and contradictory standards and expectations of patriarchal capitalism: constantly striving for acknowledgement and social gain within a system we’re taught is a ‘meritocracy’, but is actually utterly classist, racist, misogynist, gender-biased, ableist and unequal in countless-other-ways; striving to be constantly ‘productive’, to clearly and visibly contribute to the system - according to the system’s values – purely to prove our ‘worth’ within it; living the lesson that consuming all the producing will assuage the horrible feelings we feel, when it often only exacerbates them; and (to add insult to injury) the nasty idea that if we don’t engage with the dominant beliefs and practices, we’ve inherently failed - again, by the system’s standards - and our comparative (always, it’s comparative, because an unequal system relies on competition) value as a human being is diminished (indeed, the validity of our very existence is thrown into question)... it is all deeply damaging to each of us as individuals, and to our society as a whole.

It hurts us in overt and undeniable ways, as well as in ways we sometimes aren’t entirely aware of and much less able to articulate. But we feel it. We know it. The prevalence of depression and anxiety is, to my mind, proof of this experience. It’s a horribly unsettling, upsetting and exhausting thing: to deny and work against our better sense of self, values, life and existence in order to play by the rules of a mean system; or to struggle to live by our personal truths, against the current of the overwhelming tide.

Now, while it can be tough, the latter is what I wish to encourage more and more, in myself and in all those around me, because that experience will always carry far greater meaning, value and fulfilment. And because the more we abide, comply with and advance our unhealthy socialisation, the more of our true selves we give away - to capitalism, to the patriarchy. As gravely ill-designed social structures, these systems do not care for any of us, at all (even those of us who evidently benefit from them the most).

Those of us who feel we are not ‘meeting our potential’, or ‘achieving’ what we ‘should be’ achieving, need to remember: we exist in a world specifically created to favour a few, while taking advantage of the rest. Those of us who feel we are ‘succeeding’, in given areas of our lives, need to remember: we exist in a world specifically created to favour a few, while taking advantage of the rest.

Thoughtfully and actively stepping outside this externally enforced success/failure binary does not then mean nothing matters or we shouldn’t bother trying to do anything. Not at all. The sentiment I'm expressing is not to say we should cease to feel wondrous, desirous, excited, motivated or cease action, motion, liveliness and exertion. Nor is it to say we should put a lid on our ideas, impetus, energy and drive. In fact it is to say the opposite. It is to say that, for our own wellbeing, our motivation needs to shift from constantly seeking external acceptance, affirmation and recognition from a system that thrives on making us feel inadequate, to fully acknowledging our internal values and taking action that genuinely inspires and nourishes us and those around us.

So... 

Truly restful downtime. Special, quiet solitude. Space to genuinely release yourself from the constant expectations of the external world – invading our minds and hearts at every turn - and touching base with your own, private, inner thoughts, feelings and truths... Withdrawing from it all, holing up (or something equally solo, quiet, nourishing, regenerating) - sometimes, regularly, often - is, I believe, absolutely required for personal recalibration (within our counter-intuitive human systems). And maybe we should all be allowing ourselves to do it far more than we do.

Or, if we don’t have the privilege (and it is a privilege) to pause and be transgressively idle, then - within our activity – to continually internally rail against our own unhelpful and unhealthful socialisation into perspectives on what makes us valuable or not (we have inherent value no matter what we do!) and find that space of deep, quiet, clear self - within. Make the revolutionary choice to exist inside it, heed it and act from it as the source, instead of psychologically and emotionally buying into the superficial bullshit society feeds us about what makes us substantial or insubstantial human beings.

To feel that we should continuously, seamlessly stay up to speed and cope with the incessant requirements of a largely externally prescribed lifestyle, within an entirely unequal social structure, within an ultimately counterintuitive dominant philosophical paradigm, is deeply unfair to ourselves - our genuine values, needs and desires. We must train ourselves, as a process of immunisation, to fight against the insidious, virus-like passing on of these ideas and beliefs that hurt us. In this case, we must learn to examine them, question them, see them for what they are and disrupt them in every big and little way we can.

Before we all continue dissing 2017 (there really has been a lot of that – poor 2017, I thought it was alright!), and diving headlong into unreasonably high hopes for 2018 (as though it’ll necessarily be some kind of new and improved personalised update of our social system’s “let’s make everyone as impossibly productive and consumptive as we possibly can” calendar year), maybe we all need to pause, take a deep breath, and dramatically reframe the way we see ourselves and our lives - ie. lower our socialised expectations of both.

In fact, don’t measure ourselves and our lives by socialised expectations at all! Exist and act outside them, entirely. Answer only to that feeling inside - that inexplicable knowing - of what truly matters to ourselves and to those around us. Then, by our own measure, the choices we make (from this place), our activities and ourselves (whatever and wherever they are) become immediately acceptable, worthwhile, valuable and loveable. Work less to “achieve” by external measures, and more to *meaningfully exist* by our own internal compass. Radicalise our definitions of 'value' and 'productivity' and contribute to changing the nature of ourselves, and our society, for the better.

There is a humanity, in all of us, safely existing beneath our socialised thoughts and behaviours – unreachable, untouched by the influence of the social structures we’ve been born into. We need to care for it, nourish it, nurture it and encourage it to sprout and grow and spread - throughout ourselves, our behaviours, our lives and our communities - like a creeping, beautifully flowering, edible weed. We can alter our entire personal and social ecosystems.

I’m leaving you with a quote that’s awesome, and some definitions. Have a read. Consider. Enjoy.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” ⁃ Jiddu Krishnamurti

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=safari&hl=en-au&q=Dictionary#dobs=worth

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=safari&hl=en-au&q=Dictionary#dobs=value

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=safari&hl=en-au&q=Dictionary#dobs=productive

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=safari&hl=en-au&q=Dictionary#dobs=success

https://www.google.com.au/search?client=safari&hl=en-au&q=Dictionary#dobs=construct

-----

by megan drury

participationmystique